I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN~~~  / CATHY GIRAUD MOM OF DAVID

I UNDERSTAND YOU PAIN, THE LOSS OF A CHILD IS THE WORST. I HAVE LOST MY MOM, MY DAD, MY BROTHER, AND MY SON, OUR FIRST BORN, BY FAR THE LOSS OF MY SON IS THE WORST. YOUR WEB SITE MEMORIAL FOR YOUR PRECIOUS SON, JOHN BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES AND MY HEART. KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE FOREVER IN OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. GOD IS A BIG GOD, MAY HE SURROUND YOU WITH LOVE, TO BRING YOU COMFORT AND STRENGTH~GOD BLESS YOUR TENDER LOVING HEARTS~~

CATHY GIRAUD ( DAVID'S MOM )

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The Real Truth From B.A.M  / Brian Moll (Brother)
             The best son n brother wit no questions or doubts.  No matter wat u did or how he acted he was always on top of the world wit the smile actors pay to have. Never a light moment or a negative shine from him he was the best at everything even wen it was his first time. like the time u first played baseball n jus showed me up. lol the nomal u bro always gettin it all n never lettin anyone tell u different.  But it all came from the 2 best parents any son could ask for Matt and Barb Moll. ill never forget our moments as a family n if i could do it over i would n make our family work. its gone sine u bro u were the rock my rock my everything. Ill c u one day n will laugh an talk an kick back like old days but ill never be the same without u. i love u bro. n thanks mom an dad for bein the best parents anyone could have. it jus said i didnt realize it till now. u didnt fail u did the best n i could not ask for more i hope one day we can be a family again maybe iin another life. love u. n bro ur anniversary commin up so look like ill be sein u shortly. bout 14 days or so. Brian Moll Close

so many memories  / Jeylin Gonzalez (friend)

Johnny

There is so much that i would like to say and so many questions i would like answered...but then this letter would never end! It's almost going to be 3 years since you've been gone...and whenever i think of all the memories i still feel the pearcing pain that i felt when i heard the terrible news. No matter what happens in this world around me, I am always reminded of you. Sometimes as i look through pictures and old (very old) letters, I catch myself spacing out for long periods of time in which i am thinking of all the vivid memories that i have of you. I consider myself lucky to have been your "middle school sweetheart" because I have so many special moments engraved  in my heart and numerous things that you wrote to me and then a couple of things that you gave me.  I remember how many times we broke up and ended up getting right back together!! It was that way all through middle school. I was so shy around you...we sat together on the bus and we wouldn't say more than 10 words directly to each other!! In fact, it's fair to say most of our communication was through notes that we wrote to each other everyday!! You would make me crack up every single time i read them. There was never a time where i did not laugh because of something silly that you wrote.  But even though we mostly communicated by notes, I loved it. I loved it because in them i was able to see "serious Johnny". Thats something i would not have experienced in person because you were constantly laughing at something or just joking around with the guys.   No matter what happened throughout the day you always brought a smile to my face.  
I will never forget sitting at the basketball games and cheering you on...although i had no idea what was going on in the game, as long as you were on the court, i was cheering you on!
I think that something that none of us that sat around you will forget is lunch time! you used to buy the deli sandwiches and put so much mayonnaise on it that when you took a bite the mayo would be all over your lips and fingers! it was gross!! but it was you...no one was grossed out...we just laughed!  
I would always give you advice and tell you to keep away from negative things....and i figured it was all pointless...after all, we were only in middle school...why would you listen to me? But even though i thought this, i still advised you.
After middle school was done, I heard you had been getting into some trouble and I was quite disappointed when on the first day of freshman year my EPS teacher called your name for attendance and you were not there.  I had no idea where you were...and then someone gave me a letter that you had written me from juvi but since you didnt have my address, you mailed it to him. I was so sad and happy when i read this letter. In it, you explained in detail what you had been up to and why you were at this place.  You admitted that you were very disappointed in yourself but that you were thankful because you knew you had found God and that he was helping you.  I was shocked and happy when I read the part in which you thanked me for advising you and looking out for you in middle school.  All those times I thought what i said went through one ear and came out the other. Obviously you had not taken my advice, but you did realize years later that i really was trying to look out for you. this meant a lot to me.  I remember i immediately started writing you back and i felt like i do now...i had so much to say to you i didn't know what to say first. I was very satisfied at the end of my letter and certain that my words would continue to give you hope and strength to get better.  I remember being proud of you because you accepted your mistakes and you WANTED to get better...for yourself. because you knew you were better than that.
After this letter, i heard from you about a couple of months later when you called and we had a short conversation. You had been out of juvi and you sounded happy.
Thats the very last time i got to hear from you...in person or by letter.  
Your tragedy impacted me in a way that im sure all those that knew you  could understand.  I had never had anyone i knew pass away before. For the first to be you....was and is heartbreaking to accept.  I did not want to believe it was true. I didnt even know HOW to just accept that it happened. 
Still today, i wonder why. I have accepted that this occurred but i have yet to fully comprehend why. This was not supposed to happen to you. Maybe there are many people that see this as a simple concept....but not me.  I still want to know.  
Im thankful for the fact that i know that even though you left so suddenly, you were not lacking love....everyone that knew you loved you!!! it was impossible not to! I know that you made an impression on everyone that you came in contact with, and that is something very special that will remain in our hearts until our lives come to an end...although  when that time comes, we will be joining you face to face. You have such a loving family and friends. Im so sad that you are not here with us, but i would have been infinitely more saddened if i had not known you at all.  I miss you so much.  God bless

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The Difference Maker  / Matt Moll (DAD)
John I really don't know where to begin. I miss you so much. Some nights I still see you walking down the hall to your room. I wish you were here, it is not right without you. I wish I could look in and see you sleeping, hear you snoring. Do you rememebr the last conversations we had? I sure do. I will never forget them as long as I live. You were trying so hard to make things better and they were getting better.
It is not fair you are not playing basketball. That was always your dream, and you should still be playing. Mom and I still go to the St. Joe games. They are 6-1 and rated second in state. Evan and Demetri are playing great. It is not the same without you though. It is very hard for me to go to the games, knowing you won't be playing that night, or ever again. But it helps mom to go so we go as much as we can. You were so much fun to watch. You made everything look so easy and effortless. You did things in 8th grade a lot of players still can't do as seniors. And you always had that smile on your face. You were not just a player you were a difference maker. You made everyone on your team better players. It is not right only a few people ever got to see you play. Evan is going to go to Ohio State, and Demetri is going to Illinois. Mike Capocci is going to Northwestern. I wonder which school would have been lucky enough to get you.
I have looked at a thousand of pictures of you the last 2 years and I still have not found one that you did not smile in. You were such a good kid, and you always looked out for others first. You always wanted to help, especially those less fortunate than yourself. You were a difference maker in life too. Always tried to make others feel better, and be the best they could. 
Brian is going to C.O.D and has a very nice girlfriend. He is trying to do better also. Hopefully he will play baseball there, the coach said he will be on the team if he wants to play. I know you always said he was going to be a baseball player, and I hope you are right.
You have some very special friends that still miss you a lot. On your birthday last month Nate, Rocco, Danny Edwards and Lou Vicelli all came to the house to visit. That was very nice of them and made mom and I feel good. Also DJ came by on Thanksgiving, and Evan calls here and talks to.
I wish I would of gone on that walk with you 2 years ago. You didn't ask me too, but for a brief moment before you left, I almost went with you like I had in the past so we could talk. We always had good talks, rememebr? I truly wish I had gone with you that night, and as I look back I think you wanted me too. Maybe I could have been a difference maker for you.
I would love to see you again, talk to you, hold you, laugh with you. I miss you so much, and the world lost a truly great person when you left the earth. 
Rest in Peace John, and I will be seeing you soon, and we can be together again. I LOVE YOU! Close

I was moved to write  / Ada Tikkanen
I am someone you don't know - but I happened upon your site while doing an Internet search for another John Moll. I was so moved and my heart so affected by this tribute page I wanted to write you. all I can say is once you are a parent you are a parent in your heart to all children. And I wanted you to know that John will be in my heart even though I never met him or you. My thoughts will especially be with you this time of year. Thankyou for creating this site because it really makes me understand how truly special our children are and how blessed we are to have them. Close

Happy Birthday  / Barbara Moll (Mom)
My darling son:

You would be turning 18.  But of course you will forever be 16 to all of us here who miss you and your wonderful smile.  The past couple of months have been really tough for me - when school started I began mourning all over again - for what you should be doing - your senior year in high school - the decision on where to go to college - another year of high school basketball at St. Joe.  I know for a fact that colleges would have been recruiting you and your name would be in the paper, on the scouting websites, etc.  I check those sites out almost daily as the basketball season is almost here.  I spoke with Ping the other day and it made me cry just to hear his voice.  I just can't believe you are not here.

I think I'm going to get a tee shirt made up with your picture on it and wear it to all the St. Joe games.    I want to walk across the gym floor on senior night and be the parent of one of the seniors - I had looked forward to that for a long time.  I'm angry that I won't have the chance.

Someone told me recently that you are doing well and that you are with Grandma and Poppa and that you wanted Dad and I to know that we did everything we could for you.  They told me you would be contacting me in some way soon - that I need to be patient.  I would do anything to hear your voice again - to see you walk in the door - to watch you on the basketball court - to see you with a girlfriend - to argue with you - to laugh with you - just to be with you.

I just hope you know how much I love you and how much Dad and Brian love you and how much your friends miss you.

Johnny, because of you I want to be a better person.  I've done some really neat things the past year that I think you would be proud of.  I will not let you down.  Most days I wish I were with you but I think God has different plans for me right now.  I speak about you often - I have made some wonderful new friends who you never met - but they now know you well because of what I have shared with them.

I still plan to write that book that you and I talked about - remember you said we should call it, "Jesus Saved Me."  That will definitely be the title of the book.  We were going to write it together, remember?  It was going to be a story about a boy who faced some tough times and then went on to be very happy and successful.  Some might say that the story ended quite differently - but I have thought about that and have come to realize that you are happy and successful - for you are in the care of the One who made us and the One that I believe you felt could help and comfort you the most.

God Bless you, my sweet boy.  You are with me all the time and I am with you.  Close

My Thoughts & Prayers are With You.........  / Stacey Streets (Angel Mom To Aidan )
 I wish I had something helpful or cathartic to say that would ease your pain if even just a little bit. All I can say is that I truly, from the depths of my soul, understand your pain and loss. Even though I had Aidan for a just for a moment, no loss of a child is greater than another. I hope and pray that God gives you the strength, peace, and faith to survive this. It's a road no one wants to go down, but once you have, you can never come back. 
Thank you for sharing your angel with me. I know we don't physically know each other, but I feel that bereaved parents are connected forever. I admire you for being so strong, such a wonderful inspiration to others, and for being such a great mommy to your angel. God bless you and your family. 
Stacey Streets~Angel Mommy To Aidan~ http://ourlittleangel.memory- Close

You're in my heart Johnny  / Jason Goings (Friend)

Do you know what it's like to lose a great friend?
To feel this pain knowing it's the end . . .
There are so many memories I cannot forget . . .
Being friends with him is what I will not regret . . .
He had the greatest smile I have ever seen . . .
His body was strong, muscular, and lean . . .
He was one of the greatest athletes I have ever known . . .
I just hope Christ will place him upon his throne . . .
Just thinking about him brings a tear to my eye . . .
Why God, why did he have to die . . .
I loved playing soccer with him on my team . . .
Bringing him back would be my dream . . .
I would love to hang out just one last time . . .
Instead of writing this sad little rhyme . . .
One more flash of his perfect white smile . . .
Please Lord; bring him back for awhile . . .
Why did he think suicide was the only way . . .?
He could have talked to me about it any day . . .
Why did he have to die at such a young age . . .?
This event has caused me so much rage . . .
The same question repeats itself in my head . . .
Is this true ... is he really dead?
I wish there was more I could have done . . .
Hanging with Johnny was so much fun . . .
All the "don't go to sleep" sleepovers that we had . . .
And all the times in the principal's office for being bad . . .
Lord watch over him as he rests in peace . . .
And help my sadness calm down and decrease . . .
Johnny I've been by you from the start . . .
You will always remain here in my heart . . .

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Superintendent, DuPage County Juvenile Detention Center  / Bernard Glos (Counselor and Friend )
I received your kind letter today.  We cherish your words close to our hearts, all of us here are dedicated to the young men and women whom we serve and their families.

I will always remember John.  Every morning, as I greeted each of our residents in the dining room and shook hands, John was always there with a smile, with a word, with obvious connection and care for all whom he met.  He left a deep impression on all of us here; in spite of his struggles, he felt comfortable and safe here, and was outwardly grateful for what could be done for him.  And we also felt very comfortable and happy to work with him.  He made great progress here.

Life, unfortunately, sometimes leaves us questions that we do not have answers for; and present to us these moments of intense sorrow which make no sense.  We all share in that sorrow, but also in hope.  If each one of us can make one life better, no matter for how long, then we have accomplished a great thing.  As John worked through some of his more serious initial struggles here, he taught us to have hope, to not give up, and to be dedicated to the tasks of work.  And his response rewarded that effort and energized staff here more than any other resident ever has.

This is John's legacy to us.  To believe, to have hope, to never give up on a young person, no matter how difficult the struggles are.  We are better persons here because of John, and our facility is a better place.

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An Anonymous Letter Left in our Mailbox  / Anonymous

Close your eyes, in your mind come hold my hand, spend some time with me . . .

A close friend of mine lost her brother to suicide last year.  He was a young man just getting started in the life of a grown up.

No one could have seen it coming; no one has any answers as to why.  No one can fix that hole that will exist in everyone whose life was touched by this.

There is not a bandaide big enough to cover this wound.  There are no words that can bring comfort to this pain.

However, what needs to be said more times than you believe necessary is you are not alone.

You are not alone in your hurt, sadness, frustration, emptiness . . . You are not alone.

Each life touches so many lives; all these lives will all be sharing these feelings.  They are not the same, they are not tied to anyone else's and in this - as in all of life - you are not alone.

John will be remembered for the light in his smile, his step that was sometimes lighter than air and how he lit up those around him.  He will remain just this way.

I know when I think of him that I see him just this way . . . Smiling, dancing around with energy that just like an overfilled sink splashes on to you . . . it was a gift that I'm certain he had no idea he possessed.

So to you I say, one moment at a time, one minute at a time, and one day at a time.  You are not alone.

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